Perfecting my pout and strut

Practice glamour for the fashion show?

Late afternoon yesterday, I got the phone call from my new agent, Monica, checking in with me that I was still ok for my starring role in the fashion show. Oh Lord, I don’t think Sindhu does a “healthy version” curry. Oh well, my claim at being small to medium in size might have to change to XXL.

We were in full-on lazy mode yesterday afternoon and after I’d actually done a bit of sunbathing on our balcony, I resorted to some “essential maintenance”, aka replacement nail varnish, facial, hair mask, the works. All from the comfort of our cabin done by me and not paying the eye-watering prices in the salon. It also gives Nick a good laugh as I emerge from the bathroom with my face painted gold (Temple Spa Trufflesque Hydrating Radiance Mask) and a shower cap perched on my head (Organic Colour Systems Power Build Revamp). However, I am now “radiant” and “revamped”. Of course, the glossy mags would frown on such behaviour and no doubt, if I kept all these hopeless attempts at trying to look half decent from Nick and just appeared all “radiant and revamped” would he notice? I think not. So, back to the key to a successful marriage, if in doubt, give your bloke a jolly good laugh at your own expense.

I have come to the conclusion that either our room is bugged (God help anyone listening to our carry-ons) or P&O are reading our blog. Seriously, we have not heard a whisper (or a bellow) from the assertive Captain Russell since my comment a few days ago that he hogs all the comms. The lovely Luke did all the mid-day updates yesterday. Coincidence or…??? 

So all spritzed and twoofed (salon terms darling) we donned our gear for the evening. Nick decided he was rebelling and is, quite frankly, all penguined out, so decided to suit and boot, with me sticking to traditional formal evening attire. Hah, we still rocked the place and I could tell he felt less restricted. He’s not a wearing tie sort of bloke at the best of times, but on holiday it’s like trying to comb an unruly child’s hair. It just doesn’t work. There’s only one tie Nick will wear: one my sister Abi made for him some years ago, which is flamboyant and utterly unique.

We cracked a bottle of pop in our cabin, sat down in our finery and chewed the fat for half an hour before floating off to Sindhu. I suspect it’s the ex-copper in me that automatically does a quick surveillance of my environment where ever I go. And true to form I had clocked that the dire Eric and Ern tribute act were also dining in Sindhu. Sure enough about an hour into our meal when the said act departed, having had their meal, Nick was about to explode into a pointing, ranting ball of froth. My foot was already poised in readiness to thwack his shin to quieten him down. It worked. Phew. 

The meal at Sindhu didn’t disappoint. It never does. I had initially gone in with the determination of a Taurean bull and not have a starter. They give you things to play with while you’re waiting for your food and then they give you things to play with when you’ve finished your food and are supping your nighttime beverage, so my thought process was that the mains are substantial and I need to get into clothes of a small to medium size. And then they had scallops on the menu. That was the end of my resolve. It’s a proper going out experience. They take their time, the staff are respectful of your evening and the food is awesome and plentiful.

It has to be said, we did both rather waddle out and recognising there wasn’t a chance either of us could go to bed straight after that, we headed in the direction of the theatre. After the Eric and Ern description, you start trying to read between the lines on the detail in the hope of ascertaining if this particular bit of entertainment is your drop. 

Tommy J - comedy juggler

Last night’s delight was a comedy juggler, Tommy J. If you’re a BGT fan, you will know exactly who he is. We didn’t. However, he was pretty unique. Comedian, juggler, ventriloquist, and unicyclist all thrown into one. He recognised he had a hard audience but within moments had them on his side. He was fast-paced in what he did and said. It was a genuine laugh and certainly one to return to when he does his next show.    

It was another clock change last night and because of when we changed the clocks, it seemed to send our watches into a fizz as this morning they thought we were back on Friday again. They weren’t the only things confused. We were a bit stumbly this morning. Probably something to do with the alcohol, food and late night. There was a strange cry from the shower. Everything alright love? There’s water, but not on Nick. My crime was, that I had put the shower cap over the shower head, to dry from yesterday’s “revamp” session, so all the water was going into that and not on Nick. Evidently, breakfast and a brisk walk were needed. Today’s walk was actually easier than yesterday’s and we managed it at a reasonable speed. It wasn’t quite as waggy as yesterday, making it slightly more direct than weaving, as we had done yesterday. 

It’s official, I’ve obviously offended Captain Russell as yet again Luke did the mid-day announcement. Our fun facts today are that from mid-day yesterday to mid-day today, we have steamed 390 nautical miles at an average speed of  17  knots, leaving us 1195 nautical miles until we reach Ponta Delgada. The temperature is 23 degrees with the temperature dropping roughly a degree a day as we head back to the UK, we have 3000 metres of water below our keel. Recognising the temperature is dropping, I’ve taken this opportunity of having some time in the sun on our balcony. May as well make the most of it while we have it.

This afternoon I noticed a sailboat slightly behind and to our starboard side. It seemed pretty alarming given we really are in the middle of nowhere. OK, to be precise latitude 27 degrees 39.6 minutes north, longitude 45 degrees 34.4 seconds west, but let’s face it, there really is no land around. Maybe it’s on its way to Ponta Delgada too.

Once the sun had come off our balcony, I realised that it was futile to put off the dreaded deed any longer and knuckled down to my exercise routine. I really am looking forward to getting back to the real deal. Amy, the laughs, the chat, actual weights and some hope that what I do with her will have a positive impact on me. 

This evening, I sashayed to the small theatre in readiness for rehearsals for the fashion show tomorrow afternoon. It was chaos. There should have been 20 of us, but there were 15. Given that one was saying this wasn’t actually for her…once we started the rehearsals, I’m wondering how many will make it for tomorrow’s show. It’s pretty simple. You either come on stage from the left or the right and once you’ve done your bit in the middle of the stage, you then go off in the opposite direction. You do a wiggle and a twirl in the middle. Simples? Nope, it would appear not. The youngest is probably 20 ish and the oldest 80 ish, all a variety of shapes and sizes and certainly no professionals. If we get it right on the day, I’ll be gobsmacked. I shall be modelling an animal print kimono, cream linen trousers, and cream camisole top all from the Paradis range, and then accessories-wise a Panama hat and bag from Ted Baker. Stick with me! Nick will report back tomorrow on how it all went.